Death is always a hard experience. It doesn’t matter if it is expected or sudden, you are never really ready for the final breath of a loved one. When my father was diagnosed with cancer, the treatments and medications became our new way of life. I never let myself think of what the end result would be. When his time came, I was still in shock and so depressed and sad, yet we had been going thru the process for six months.
You can have a persons affairs in order, funeral plans purchased and wakes planned, but when it is over and you are left with overwhelming sadness and now you are faced with struggling to create a new normal without that person in your life, IT IS HARD! Sometimes we can get caught in the What if’s; what if I had spent more time with them, what if I was a better person, the what if’s can be endless. I struggled with them for a while but then you have to let them go. You cant change the past but you can drive yourself crazy trying! I started remembering the good times, the lessons he taught me, the times he told me he was proud of me and the times he said he loved me. No relationship is perfect, there are good times and bad times but thru it all there is Love. My dad was a really good man, not perfect but he tried.
Its ok to cry and its ok to be pissed off and its ok to got through all the steps of grieving, just don’t get stuck in one place to long. Do something different, instead of dwelling in the sadness or loss, put something new in your routine. Add a good thing in their honor, I would start singing the song that dad taught me on our long rides to his treatment. At first I was just a blubbering idiot thru the lyrics but after a while it brought me comfort. I started remembering the laughter and eye-rolling and bologna sandwiches along the way (his favorites) and it reminded me that even if I only had him in my life a little while, I had him! He could still make me smile, still be a part of my life. Their will always be a broken part of your heart, it will always be there but your life will go on, Live it everyday!