blog – Parenting Parents

What A Ride!

It has been a few years since I visited my Blog!

I started this to help others understand the crazy changes that happen as we age. I had just lost my father and was so overcome by grief, I needed an outlet. The medical system the reversal of roles and caregiving were overwhelming.

BUT IT DIDNT STOP……………

Covid arrived in all of its detestable destruction!

Medical emergencies, Parents continued to age and need continuous support, My children struggling and embarking on Adult Life! Grandkids added!

Overwhelming Sadness! Happiness! Pissedoffiness!! (Made that word up) The emotions we can feel all at once is amazing and scary! Some can cause actual physical pain and some can shut down our minds and we become the greatest procrastinator of all times and then, we climb those mountains and start to feel a little in control again and “WAM” something else hits.

I am going to start writing again, maybe for you but mainly for me! There is so much I want to share and if I put it off one more day, my days will be over!

Write Ya Soon

Losing a Loved One

Death is always a hard experience. It doesn’t matter if it is expected or sudden, you are never really ready for the final breath of a loved one. When my father was diagnosed with cancer, the treatments and medications became our new way of life. I never let myself think of what the end result would be. When his time came, I was still in shock and so depressed and sad, yet we had been going thru the process for six months.

You can have a persons affairs in order, funeral plans purchased and wakes planned, but when it is over and you are left with overwhelming sadness and now you are faced with struggling to create a new normal without that person in your life, IT IS HARD! Sometimes we can get caught in the What if’s; what if I had spent more time with them, what if I was a better person, the what if’s can be endless. I struggled with them for a while but then you have to let them go. You cant change the past but you can drive yourself crazy trying! I started remembering the good times, the lessons he taught me, the times he told me he was proud of me and the times he said he loved me. No relationship is perfect, there are good times and bad times but thru it all there is Love. My dad was a really good man, not perfect but he tried.

Its ok to cry and its ok to be pissed off and its ok to got through all the steps of grieving, just don’t get stuck in one place to long. Do something different, instead of dwelling in the sadness or loss, put something new in your routine. Add a good thing in their honor, I would start singing the song that dad taught me on our long rides to his treatment. At first I was just a blubbering idiot thru the lyrics but after a while it brought me comfort. I started remembering the laughter and eye-rolling and bologna sandwiches along the way (his favorites) and it reminded me that even if I only had him in my life a little while, I had him! He could still make me smile, still be a part of my life. Their will always be a broken part of your heart, it will always be there but your life will go on, Live it everyday!

Caregiving Older Loved Ones

When we are caring for our children, the plan is usually to raise and protect them and when they are old enough and ready, they move on to start their lives as adults.

The same is not true when we start caring for compromised elderly loved ones. Instead of getting better, we are watching them get worse, Changing from the person we used to know and count on to a person that can push all our buttons and become someone we do not recognize. Dementia is very tough especially if you have not worked with it before.

When a parent or loved one is diagnosed with a debilitating disease, it is asy to say I will take care of them! We tell ourselves, I can check on them everyday, I can move them in with me, or I can move in with them. Easy Peasy!

Unfortunately that is not always the case. It may be smooth sailing for a little while but unlike our babies who grew up, our loved one will start going backwards. Things will get harder, Diseses, neurological conditions, strokes, dementia, just to name a few, MAY NOT GET BETTER! There may be small reprieves but the declining process has begun.

Its hard at times to be caregiver and child. The role of child can be left behind as you are constantly caring for an adult person whom may not be ready or fully understand that they need help and care. Be mindful to constantly step back and look at the big picture, They are not who they once were. Cognitive decline can change personalities, make the meek and mild become fitful and arguementative. It is important to get help, take breaks ask others to help, It Is OK to seek help. Caregiver burn out is real!!

I hope in some way I can help you. The most important thing is that your parent needs their child too, not just a caregiver. Those lines can become skewed and it can become very easy to become resentful or angry, just always remember, The person you are caring for was a big part of your life and they would not choose to be a burden or act rudely. It is an unfortunate part of life sometimes. It is not fair and it can be a cruel change. Just remember to Breathe and get help when you need it.